People break up for many reasons. Be it because one partner was unfaithful, someone was too controlling or two people have simply grown apart, some relationships take a turn for the worse and it is not always obvious to both of the parties in the relationship that the end is near.
Relationships that end abruptly can be shocking and heart-wrenching to the person who got dumped. They don't understand why or even what they did so terribly wrong to be left high and dry by their loved one. It’s by far one of the hardest kinds of break-ups to deal with. Not only are all their feelings for the other individual still intact, but they cannot fathom the why or the what:
•“Why was I abandoned in love?”
•“Why didn’t they love me the way I loved them?”
•“What have I done so terribly wrong to be left?”
•“Am I a horrible person?”
These are often the kinds of questions people who have been abandoned in a relationship ask themselves on a frequent basis. Due to the fact that most of the time in their minds everything was fine they are left feeling crippled and still very much attached to their now ex-lover. The unfortunate part is that they'll often chase after their abandoner hoping to restore that cherished bond the two once shared, not realizing that chasing their ex not only won’t win them back, but may be viewed as harassment and even stalking. Pursuing someone that no longer wants to be in a relationship can also give that person the opportunity to use and manipulate their pursuer, so it's best to leave them and their decision to part ways alone.
If you've been taken by surprise and left broken-hearted when you thought you were completely happy in your relationship, here are some useful tips:
Seeking Answers?
Some people need to know the "Why?" There is nothing wrong with asking; if that’s what you need to do to move on, then do just that. However, be mindful not to be clingy or try to change their mind; their response is FOR CLOSURE ONLY. Be wary that these answers may not be what you want to hear. Are you ready for that? Maybe you already have your answer within and just are denying it. Sometimes just re-evaluating the situation can make it clear that things didn’t end so suddenly after all.
Distract Yourself When You're Missing Them
It’s been a while and you still miss them sorely. You can’t sleep at night because they were always there. You miss their laughs and them being around. You not only are still in love but now you miss the love you were able to share. Always remember that when you miss a person that it is a feeling and feelings are often and always connected to your thoughts! Control your thoughts and then you will be able to control the feeling. Maybe every time you find yourself missing the ex who left you so suddenly, pinch yourself, call your best friend or play with your pet to snap out of it. You have to immediately distract yourself from missing them because you won’t get any sincere comfort from the ex. Most importantly, you shouldn’t want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you,
just as you wouldn't go to a place where you were not welcomed or wanted.
Control Your Inner Dialogue
What the abandonee has to do is regroup and get their head on right. You want to become self-aware and heavily in tune with your thought process. You want to recognize the minute you find your internal dialogue questioning the "whys", immediately redirect the thought to “I don’t know why and it’s really not that important, but life has to go on. After all, there are millions of fish in the sea!” A better thought instead of “What is wrong with me?” is “There is nothing wrong with me, we just weren't right for eachother.” Instead of the “Why don’t they love me?” be reasonable and think the obvious “They didn’t appreciate me or my love!" "There are plenty of people who do love me and pretty soon someone will come along that will treat me right.” "Even if they loved me it wasn't enough to make them stay or help us to find a way to fix our problems." Always remember the best love is self love, no one will love you the way you do so even if some one is not there anymore your love of self will help you through this phase of abandonment.
Keep Busy
You are at the point where you don’t know what to do because your time was always (and happily) tied to your ex. You find yourself lost on Saturday nights because you are used to catering to their needs or letting them decide what to do with the weekend. Instead of sobbing about it and moping around, use this time to go out, reunite with old friends, find a new hobby or invite some people over to liven up your household and spirits.
Don’t Remain Friends Unless You're Certain You're Ready
So, they broke up with you and now they feel guilty because they really have no reason for ending it, and they offer a friendship… don’t accept it!
They only pity you and will not be a good friend to you anyway. Not to mention, the chances are high that you are going to expect more out of the friendship. You may not move on with your dating life in hopes of them turning the friendship into something more, and if they date someone else, you will be stuck holding your broken heart for the second time by the same person. This type of friendship is risky; your best bet is to cut all ties if possible, until you're certain you can consider a truly platonic friendship.
Relationships that end abruptly can be shocking and heart-wrenching to the person who got dumped. They don't understand why or even what they did so terribly wrong to be left high and dry by their loved one. It’s by far one of the hardest kinds of break-ups to deal with. Not only are all their feelings for the other individual still intact, but they cannot fathom the why or the what:
•“Why was I abandoned in love?”
•“Why didn’t they love me the way I loved them?”
•“What have I done so terribly wrong to be left?”
•“Am I a horrible person?”
If you've been taken by surprise and left broken-hearted when you thought you were completely happy in your relationship, here are some useful tips:
Seeking Answers?
Some people need to know the "Why?" There is nothing wrong with asking; if that’s what you need to do to move on, then do just that. However, be mindful not to be clingy or try to change their mind; their response is FOR CLOSURE ONLY. Be wary that these answers may not be what you want to hear. Are you ready for that? Maybe you already have your answer within and just are denying it. Sometimes just re-evaluating the situation can make it clear that things didn’t end so suddenly after all.
Distract Yourself When You're Missing Them
just as you wouldn't go to a place where you were not welcomed or wanted.
Control Your Inner Dialogue
What the abandonee has to do is regroup and get their head on right. You want to become self-aware and heavily in tune with your thought process. You want to recognize the minute you find your internal dialogue questioning the "whys", immediately redirect the thought to “I don’t know why and it’s really not that important, but life has to go on. After all, there are millions of fish in the sea!” A better thought instead of “What is wrong with me?” is “There is nothing wrong with me, we just weren't right for eachother.” Instead of the “Why don’t they love me?” be reasonable and think the obvious “They didn’t appreciate me or my love!" "There are plenty of people who do love me and pretty soon someone will come along that will treat me right.” "Even if they loved me it wasn't enough to make them stay or help us to find a way to fix our problems." Always remember the best love is self love, no one will love you the way you do so even if some one is not there anymore your love of self will help you through this phase of abandonment.
Keep Busy
Don’t Remain Friends Unless You're Certain You're Ready
So, they broke up with you and now they feel guilty because they really have no reason for ending it, and they offer a friendship… don’t accept it!
They only pity you and will not be a good friend to you anyway. Not to mention, the chances are high that you are going to expect more out of the friendship. You may not move on with your dating life in hopes of them turning the friendship into something more, and if they date someone else, you will be stuck holding your broken heart for the second time by the same person. This type of friendship is risky; your best bet is to cut all ties if possible, until you're certain you can consider a truly platonic friendship.
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